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How my mind shifted…
The Pursuit of Being Above Average
Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve always had this feeling that I want to do something more, something big. Because of that, I felt like I had to be above average in most of the things I did. Even the tiny little things that wouldn’t matter to most people, I was eager to be the first every single time.
At the start, I was doing really well, so I thought this was a healthy way of motivating myself by constantly comparing my work to others. But one time, during my everyday routine of going to school, working afterward, and squeezing in the gym in the evening, I asked myself: “What is average? Who defines average?”
That question kept echoing in my mind for quite some time. It occupied me so much that I couldn’t focus on my schoolwork anymore, and the only time I could truly relax was during my training. Even though I had these thoughts running through my mind, I still felt quite good, because I had support from my family and friends, cheering me through my little wins. So I thought I was doing the right thing.
However, the questions in my head were getting too big so big I couldn’t ignore them any longer.
Summer in Greece
It was summer, and my family and I were driving to our yearly vacation in Crete, Greece. We’d been going to the same place with our campervan for the past five years. You might think it’s a bit unusual, being 20 and going on a trip with my parents and my sister, all in the same RV for three weeks straight. I had similar thoughts before going, but little did I know I would realize something big about myself on this trip.
Before we left, I worked really hard, finishing my exams and working as a barber on the side. I was completely drained and in need of a break. As we arrived, we greeted our friends and began to unpack. This time, there were fewer people my age than in previous years, so I spent more time with the older generations, having some really constructive discussions.
Through these conversations, I realized that none of them were doing particularly big or “important” things, yet they all seemed so happy. That really confused me, because I had always thought that happiness grows with success. This made my earlier thoughts even louder.
About a week into our trip, I was finally completely relaxed, so much that I had forgotten about school, work, and my life at home. Don’t get me wrong, I love my home, my friends, and everything about my normal life but this year felt different. I had never felt so good just being myself.
For the first time, I felt that I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone. It was something completely new to me, but it felt so, so good. Maybe it was the people that surrounded me, or the beautiful seaside view that stretched everywhere I looked, but for the first time in years, I didn’t feel like I was racing anyone.
Back Home
When I came back, everything quickly returned to how it was. I started working two jobs at the same time of course, because I had to be a little different than others.
It was all fine until a week before my trip to Thailand, when I suddenly realized I didn’t want to keep living like this for the next three years of university. So I decided, quite quickly, that I was going to take a gap year, to spend time doing random things, being alone with my thoughts, and overall focusing on myself.
I Finally Realized…
Fast forward to the end of October after one month of solo traveling I finally had an answer to my question.
I realized it was never about being above average or doing something big. It was about how one feels about themselves, about being comfortable and confident in your own skin. Because when you’re okay with yourself, that’s when you can be average, or even below average, and still feel as happy as one can be.
It was really hard for me to understand this, and even now I’m still battling with my own mind to fully comprehend it. It goes hand in hand with comparing yourself to others, because you don’t have to convince anyone that you’re enough. It’s enough to just be yourself.
I’m still working on it. I still sometimes find myself trying to be liked by others, but that’s all part of the process. I think it’s partly because I’m not yet fully happy with myself and how I act, but it’s improving day by day.
Before you start chasing someone else’s life, stop, look around, and try to focus purely on yourself on the life you want to build, not the one society expects you to have.
Don’t be afraid to be different!
